I don't use this thing nearly enough. I felt the need tonight.

I'm so grateful to all my friends old and new for making my life so rich. I honestly ache when I look back over 2009 and think of all our scrapes and shenanigans. Thanks to them.

To the lady who broke my heart without even trying, almost three years ago: I love you. I can see now, with a little distance, how difficult a position you were in. Either you didn't return my feelings and you weren't sure how to tell me, or you did very much return my feelings and you couldn't find a way to break through your own homophobia, and your family's prejudices.

I miss you every day, you were my best friend. If I could find a way to go back, I would. I would handle it differently. I would say all the right things, be less naive. I would make it right, and maybe you would still be my friend today.

I can't change the past, but the future is mine to shape. Tonight I asked my friends to help me find the girl/guy of my dreams, to help me break out of this inertia I find myself in. I hope for a 2010 which is full of potential fulfilled, and I hope to be less lonely than in years gone by.

Happy New Year to everyone, may you meet and exceed your potential.

xxx

I've had this journal for over two years now, and I've never really felt the urge to post anything until now. Why the change? I guess you could say that I'm at a crossroads, or something. I've just started university, at the age of 25 and following two false starts. The last two years have been tumultuous (to put it mildly), and have involved angst, broken friendships, a broken heart, hitting rock bottom and finding my way back up again.

Ultimately I seem to have come out of it with more questions than answers, and from time to time I find myself looking around me, wondering how I got to this point. Life is good right now - it's all mine for the taking (or breaking). Now, if only I could figure out what I want...

Maybe I might just make it this time.

Ho hum. New day, new LJ. Once I have something of note to share with the world at large, trust me, you'll be the first to know.

xx